I was at my aunt and uncle’s house the other Sunday to celebrate Mother’s day with my family. It was a pretty standard Jewish brunch. Lots of bagels, cream cheese, lox and tuna, which is awesome. I don’t know how we got on the subject, but my grandmother started talking about my grandfather who had passed away before I was born. Mainly, how he had to, “fight his way into the army.”
And that’s not the kind of statement you can just take. “Oh yeah? That’s cool. Pass the challah bubby.” No, you obviously have to follow up. So I was expecting some awesome story involving my grandfather, fisticuffs (“old people” for fighting) and some sort of triumph on par with the last few minutes of Rudy. Nope. “Your grandfather almost didn’t get into the army because he lost his trigger finger making mud pies with his sister. When the recruiter asked how he was going to shoot a gun. He looked at the man and made the same motion with his middle finger.” Not only is this story underwhelming in comparison to my version it totally ignores the fact that my 5 year old grandfather, lost his finger making food out of dirt with a hatchet. His sister was using an axe to cut the pie so she could share it with my grandfather, she was the one who actually guillotined it off – hilarious mental image, but not the safest activity for children under the age of 10. After making this point all I got was a shoulder shrug and “well it was Poland in the 1920’s, they didn’t have much else to do.”
Ridiculous stories like the one about my grandfather are kind of funny after the fact. Not when they’re actually happening. Unfortunately for me, work has been falling under the latter category – ridiculous + now. Everything is messed up now and I’m hoping everything wi’ll turn into a funny anecdote later.
A few weeks back I was finishing up a file when I noticed my manager walking over to my desk. He wanted to know about my timing. It was Thursday and I was scheduled to start an audit the following Monday. Meanwhile, I had 6 files in review. If these came back to me all at once on Monday, I wouldn’t be able to start the audit until at least Wednesday. I gave this whole story to my manager in order for him to plan my work accordingly. So after my little rant, my manager went to speak to our scheduling partner. Who spoke to the partner reviewing my files because they needed to be cleared up before I started the audit. Who came to me and asked, “so how are we doing with [such and such] company.” To which I replied, “have they responded to the issues I gave you to ask them.” “Nope.” Awesome. Nothing has changed. Wicked. “Alright, so hang onto the files and we’ll wait to here back from them.” Do you see what just happened?
My manager is happy because he relayed my answer to the scheduling partner. The scheduling partner is happy because he spoke to the partner reviewing the files. And the partner – again, who has all the files – is happy because he’s still waiting on the client for info. Nothing has changed. But the people in charge are happier because when the client does decide to man-up and answer my questions, I’ll be the only one running around trying to get shit done.
And obviously what happened? I got all the files back on the same day I started the audit.
The thing that frustrates me the most is that I can’t laugh at this stuff yet. You know? It’s still ongoing. I don’t have enough detachment to physically make my face laugh. I’ve tried. It just looks awkward. Yeah, in maybe a month I’ll be able to look back and say, “hey remember when nothing made sense and everything was screwed up? Haha, good times *high-five*” I just wish I was there now.
Once I couldn’t finish an audit because the client, “was having breakfast with a monkey in Nicaragua and wasn’t going to be back in Toronto for another 3 weeks.”